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How do SG couples actually split finances after marriage?
Getting married next year and we keep arguing about money setup. Fully combined? Separate?…
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In-laws want to be too involved in our marriage, how to set boundaries?
Married 6 months, my mother-in-law calls my husband daily and comments on everything from how we spend money to when we should have kids. He can't say no to her. I'm starting to resent it. How do couples handle this without WW3?
Anonymous asker ·Asked on 11 hours ago ·1,297 views ·4 answers
Best Answer
Salaryman Desmond Beginner First-hand experience Middle manager in MNC, survived a few restructurings, can share how to handle toxic boss and stay employable.
The single most important thing: the boundary must come from your husband, not you. If you push back on his mother directly, you become the villain and it damages your marriage. Sit down with him privately, calmly, and frame it as "us as a team building our own family unit" not "your mum is a problem." Give him specific, small scripts he can use: "Ma, we've decided X, we'll let you know if we need help." He needs to redirect, not confront. It took my husband months to learn to gently deflect his mum instead of just relaying her demands to me. We agreed on a rule: big decisions (money, kids, where we live) are just the two of us, then we inform, not consult. Start with one boundary, not ten. And pick battles, some interference is just love expressed badly. But daily calls dictating your life is too much and he has to be the one to gently manage it. Couples counselling helped us reframe it as teamwork, not war.
Anonymous contributor Beginner First-hand experience
If money comments are the trigger, some couples keep finances genuinely private, don't volunteer numbers to extended family at all. Once info stops flowing, the commentary dries up. My in-laws used to comment on every purchase until we simply stopped sharing what we bought. Information discipline solved half of it.
Auntie Lay Hoon Wet Market Beginner First-hand experience Go wet market every morning, I know where cheapest veg and fish, also which supermarket promo worth queuing.
The kids comment is the classic one lah. Every SG auntie asks. Best response my wife and I aligned on: a smiling, broken-record "when it happens, you'll be the first to know." Don't justify, don't argue, just repeat. They eventually give up. Never let the baby-timing pressure create tension between you two, that's exactly what wrecks marriages. United front, always.
Anonymous contributor Beginner First-hand experience
Asian families, the mother-son bond is strong and you won't "win" by making him choose. Instead, build your own warm relationship with MIL where you can. When I stopped seeing my MIL as an adversary and occasionally called her myself, brought her food, she softened and the daily interference dropped because she felt included, not shut out. Sometimes more connection beats more walls.